Body and Mind

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.
- Andy Warhol

Maintaining mental and physical balance in your life is always a challenge. If it weren't, then there likely wouldn't be a million books on the topic. Not that any of these books have a solution or that I read any of them, but they are out there taking up much more shelf space at your local bookstore than all the books on the arts, for example.

I tend to swing from one extreme to the other. Portions of my life have been dominated by physical activity where little mental energy needed to be exerted to maintain, while other times have been lived almost exclusively in my mind while my body became a necessary evil for moving my head from place to place. Of course, somewhere in the middle would likely be a bit more productive and healthy for both the body and the mind.

Before graduate school I may have actually had a better balance, although at the time I felt I needed more mental rigor in my life. I had a variety of jobs, from working on the family farm, waiting tables, unloading trucks at loading docks, banking, internships at museums and galleries, while taking college courses part-time and creating art. In retrospect, not a bad mix of physical and mental exertion. Not a bad life when you're in your twenties, but not fulfilling for the long run, hence finally becoming serious about college.

As you might imagine, as an academic, life tends to demand more of your mind than your body. Since starting graduate school and now as a professor, nearly all of my efforts have gone towards developing my mind. To assist in handling the mental demands I also started meditating, which, of course, is another mental activity, but an important one. Meditation brought a much needed calmness and balance to my graduate-school years. It also ended a lifetime of migraine headaches. But, sadly, after graduate school I let the demands of a full-time job and a full-time relationship bring my meditation practice almost to an end.

The last six years as a full-time professor have by far been the most extreme imbalance. The focus of succeeding at a career and providing for a wife became all consuming. The short-term goals of each month, each semester tended to drown out the "bigger picture" goals that had usually guided me before.

I stopped my regular meditation practice, I stopped exercising, I did not return to creating art, and I neglected completing my dissertation for the PhD. My mind took the brunt of the abuse, as I became more myopic, but physically the neglect had also taken its toll, as I gained forty pounds. I was now living almost exclusively in my mind in an attempt to accomplish what I thought needed to be done to sustain a successful home life and a rewarding career. Well, clearly, that didn't quite work out.

As I mentioned in prior posts, some reorienting was desperately needed. I needed to find that balance again. I planned to make some small changes, adjustments, nothing dramatic. But, of course, the various aspects of one's life are intimately connected. When you start looking closely at one area, you start noticing other areas that might also need a little work.

During the holidays with my family, my mother had inspired me to be more mindful of my health. She had just lost forty pounds, was working out and felt great. I started her regiment and over the course of the spring semester lost the forty pounds I had gained. I also started working out again and this summer am participating in a fitness program at the college with the team athletic trainer. It's kicking my ass, but I'm in the best physical condition since I was about twenty-three years old.

This summer I also started back with a regular meditation practice. I've had to start slow with only 10-20 minute sessions (I was doing 2 hours in graduate school), but the focus and clarity are starting to return. My return to writing here on this blog, I believe, is also helping with relocating that clarity of mind and possibly even purpose. The balance of regular physical and mental practice once again feels good.

As I also mentioned before, I canceled my summer travel plans and gave my summer courses away, in order to focus on completing my long-neglected dissertation. To be completely honest with myself, the writing process has been much slower than hoped. I need to keep reminding myself that any progress is good, but I want, and really need, this project to me done. It has been an excuse for almost every neglect and imbalance in my life. No more, "I'll return to that / do that / start that when I'm finished with the dissertation." It's gone on too long. It needs to stop now.